That was when I woke up singing.

In His time

In His time, in His time,

He makes all things beautiful, in His time,

Lord, please show me every day,

As You’re teaching me Your way,

That You will do just what You say, in Your time.

Maranatha! Music circa 1984

Over and over, I sang, “He makes all things beautiful in His time.” I sang it through about five times and then drifted off to “beautiful in His time.” I got up the following day, and it was instantly in my mind again. I got up, and as I made my latte, I sang it and laughed. Not like a belly laugh, more like a cheeky laugh knowing what God was up to something. He gave me a sliver of light into His ways.

I should back up and tell you that my anxiety medication had stopped working over the summer months. I had been on it too long. When I become too anxious, I become depressed. I was depressed all summer as my doctor, and I tried to find a new medication that suited me. Four months of side effects and no motivation whatsoever. I knew that it would get sorted, but I could not make my depression and anxiety disappear with enough prayers until that time. Finally, I succumbed to the knowledge that God had it in His hand. Once I fully accepted that I had peace through it all. Still did not remove it, but I had peace when the depression brought tears, and the anxiety stopped me from going to the grocery store. Mid-August, we knew we were on the right track, and in a few weeks, I would be fully functioning again.

September was a breath of fresh air for the first two weeks. Then, in mid-September, one Friday late afternoon, I was overcome with a severe pain under my ribs. I told God to let the heart attack kill me. I said I was ready to go. The worst pain of my life. It was not a heart attack; I had a gallstone. Come find out, it was the biggest one the ER doc had seen in a person. Besides being forty-five, I did not fit the description of people most likely to get gallstones. I was admitted with surgery scheduled for the next day. It was pitch black when I got to my room on the seventh floor. I woke up the following day and looked out my window; I had a glorious view of the ocean. It is odd to say, but my two-night stay at Roper St. Francis was like a mini spa retreat. I was treated with such a gentle kindness that my soul felt restored when I left.

Back to the night, I awoke at 3 am. I was home a few days after surgery, getting ready for bed, and with a joyful heart, I said, “ok, God.” I looked up and started talking aloud. “Ok, God. What are you up to? I finally am back on track with medication, and now I must rest another week because of the removal of an organ I barely knew existed. What are you doing, God?” I knew He was up to something, but I could not see it. I asked God to show me what He was doing through these two experiences. It was that night, the night I did not want to miss what God had for me, that He awoke me at 3 am. God’s reply to my prayer was, “He makes all things beautiful in His time.”

God’s kindness is palpable. He gives us slivers of light and knowledge. God did not reveal to me what all these months of sickness would lead to. Instead, he confirmed that He was making something beautiful out of it all. God was telling me my suspicions were correct. It was almost like He was telling me to wait and be amazed.

What in your life can you not figure out?

Ask God.